To start off my review I just want to look at Finley’s previous Barbie review.
In his Barbie movie review he explained that it’s one of the best movies he’s seen with a great cast, fantastic visuals, interesting story and banging soundtrack. And almost everyone in the world agrees with him and believes that Margot Robbie’s Barbie movie is a cinematic masterpiece…. Sick yet? I know I am….
The Barbie movie (in my humble opinion) is nothing more than a woke mean-spirited anti-male dumpster fire! (forgive me for sounding like Mr Enter but it has to be said.)
And thankfully I’m not the only one who sees that. I won’t go into full detail about it, but to make a long story short Barbie lives in Barbie world and leaves because she’s worried about death and while she is looking for her owner in the real world Ken takes over, because men have been treated unfairly in Barbie Land but then Barbie comes back, and restores “order”.
Ok I get that more female representation is in order and I’m fine with it. Heck! Two of my many favourite cartoons are the Power Puff Girls and Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi. Which indeed shows females as lead characters. But that doesn’t mean you should put others down because they are boys.
I firmly believe that everyone should not be judged for who they are. Boy or girl, old or young, black or white and so on. And that is something the Barbie movie failed to realise. And to think it stole the attention from other movies too. Ruby Gilman and Elemental to name a few.
But one movie dodged the bullet entirely. I’m of course talking about the Mario movie! Now hold your fire Nintendo fans, I actually like this movie. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that this is the biggest and happiest surprise of 2023 period!
Why is it a surprise you ask? Well, let’s dive in and find out.
So the company that created this(ACTUAL!) Cinematic Masterpiece is Illumination Entertainment. Yeah! That Illumination! The same company behind the painfully average Minions (2015) and the disastrous Hop (2011). But since Minions Rise Of Gru from last year Illumination is on a bit of a roll, and the Mario movie just backs that evidence.
After the opening logos the movie opens to find ourselves in the Mushroom Kingdom, more specifically the Cool Cool Mountain area where An army of Koopas are trying to get the super star from another army consisting of penguins. The Koopas army is led by Bowser, voiced by Jack Black. (also known as Po from the Kung Fu Panda franchise). And after a battle and the famous do you yield scene the Koopas are victorious and Bowser claims the superstar.
We then cut to a TV advert and a nod to the Super Mario Bros Super Show from the late 80s and early 90s. Here we are introduced to Mario and Luigi voiced by Chris Pratt and Charlie Day now when this movie was announced. I wasn’t sure if Pratt would fit Marios character as was everyone else in the world. But surprise surprise!
He actually does a great job. And unlike other movies, the Mario movie pays close attention to its source material and everything related to characters like Jumpman and Spike (from Wrecking Crew) are in the movie.
Even the Italian accents make a cameo in the TV ad. After an intimidating chat with Spike, Mario and Luigi get a call from a rich woman, saying there’s a drip in her faucet, so they head on over. Since the van won’t start, they instead go by foot, doing Mario video game inspired Parkour.
My only gripe is No Sleep Till Brooklyn playing in the background. It’s not bad – just kinda out of nowhere – but I guess it works in the movie’s favour as it fits really nicely with this scene.
When they arrive they get to work on the toilet or at least they would if it wasn’t for a bad tempered dog named Francis who then proceeds to give them a bad time much to their relief they come out on top but make a bit of a mess of their job.(Geez, all that over a bone?)
Later they join their family for a meal together at home, this is where we learn that they are Italian Americans. (and the fact Mario doesn’t like mushrooms) He asks his Dad if he’s proud of him. His Dad replied saying that he can’t pursue some crazy dream rather than have a well paid job. Disappointed he heads over to his room where he can be seen playing Kid Icarus (another Nintendo reference) he then turns on the news to find out there’s a huge flood in Brooklyn.
And after a brief cameo from Mayor Pauline he grabs his brother and heads off to the site of the flood. They go in through the sewer system via a manhole and after a failed attempt at fixing the pressure pipe, they crash into a wall and find themselves in an eerie part of the sewer that hasn’t been used in years.
They get side tracked by going inside a massive sewage pipe that separates and transports the two brothers to the one and only Mushroom Kingdom. Mario wakes up dazed and confused to find himself surrounded by giant mushrooms. He tries to touch one but is stopped by someone saying “do not touch that mushroom or you die!”
That ‘someone’ just so happens to be Toad voiced by Keegan Michael key, Mario tells Toad that he’s cooking for his brother Luigi who had been sent to a foggy lava filled wasteland, Toad warns him of the danger Luigi is in, he’s been sent to the Dark Lands a world controlled by Bower.
Without hesitating he takes him to the Mushroom Kingdom ruler Princess Peach voiced by Anya Taylor Joy. Once they reach the castle after a trip through a Mushroom town, they sneak past the guards and into the Castle where Peach explains to her Toad arms that Bower is coming for them and that they need to convince the Great Kong Army to help them.
Just then Mario and Toad enter the room. Peach is taken by surprise when she notices that Mario is a human like her ( for your info Peach was the only human in the Mushroom Kingdom until Mario and Luigi showed up.) Mario tells how he and Luigi got here and says Luigi needs their help. Indeed, Luigi did need their help earlier; he had been tormented by a bunch of Dry Bones and Shy Guys with a subtle nod to the Luigi’s Mansion games. Peach says that she’d help Mario stop Bowser and save Luigi but Mario needs training first.
So Peach takes Mario to a training course and gives him a demonstration, she also tells him that he can do the course more easily if he uses a Power Up. So he does. ( unfortunately that Power Up was a Mushroom and Mario doesn’t like Mushrooms as we know), and it’s hard to see why he bothered.
Because for the next few minutes, Mario suffers multiple types of Pain while Bonnie Tyler plays in the background. Inevitably he fails – at least he learns that he loses his Power Up when he gets hit.
Luckily for Mario, Peach isn’t mad and says that it took her many tries to conquer the training course too. Meanwhile at Bower Castle, Bowser tells all his Minions the good news he’s captured the Super Star and is going to force Peach to marry him. Otherwise he’ll destroy the Mushroom Kingdom!
With the fate of the Mushroom Kingdom at stake. Peach, Mario and Toad set off to convince the Kong Army to help them. Back at Bowser’s Castle, Bowser is playing the ever famous Peaches, an original song from the movie that has taken the internet by storm that is until Kamek (voiced by Kevin Michael Richardson) interrupts. He warns Bowser that Peach is being helped by a moustached human (Mario). Angered by the news, Bowser tells him to find out who he is and what he, Peach and Toad are planning.
We then cut to some Fire Flower Fields where Peach explains her back story to Mario saying the Toads found her, raised her and eventually made her Princess. We aren’t sure now she ended up here but it’s most likely she came from Mario and Luigi’s world. Speaking of Luigi, the next scene shows him led into Bowser’s Castle by guards. Luigi is interrogated by Bowser who eventually makes Luigi tell him who the moustached man is (Mario) by… ripping off a part of his moustache.
And to add insult to injury, he is sent to a floating dungeon where a disturbingly happy Luma makes depressing and downbeat statements. Dear God, this movie makes me feel really sorry for Luigi. (At least we know what happened to the Penguins).
Now back to Peach, Mario and Toad. They finally arrived at the Jungle Kingdom. And after an insane Kart taxi ride with A-Ha’s Take On Me playing in the background they arrive at Cranky Kong’s temple – voiced by Fred Armisen who says we will only help if Mario beats his son in battle. That’s when we are introduced to Donkey Kong voiced by Seth Rogan. (Aka Bob from Monsters vs Aliens).
After a brief introduction to him with a cameo from the DK Rap Donkey Kong proceeds to destroy Mario that is until Mario gets the Cat Power Up and makes a massive come back. After Mario won the battle the Monkeys joined them on their Quest to defeat Bowser. Cranky Kong says that they need to beat Bowser to the Mushroom Kingdom and ambush him.
They set off back to the Mushroom Kingdom with some go karts they built (which is a huge reference to Mario Kart). But Bowser has other ideas. He finds out about the Kong Army joining Mario Peach and Toad and orders the Koopas to ambush them. After a high speed rainbow road pursuit, Mario Donkey Kong ends up in the sea and is then swallowed by an eel. (Mario 64 warned us this would happen).
Running out of options, Peach tells the Toads they lost Mario and the Kong Army. So the Toads evacuate the city, just as Bowser arrives. Against her will she reluctantly agrees to marry him. Meanwhile in the Eel, Mario and Donkey Kong pointlessly argue and amongst their rage, they make the Eel burp which sets them free. With their spirits lifted, they head off to rescue Peach and Luigi who along with the rest of the prisoners will be sacrificed to… apparently lava.
But before the wedding can even begin, Peach rebels saying she’d never marry a monster, causing a fight scene. Riding a rocket from DK’s kart Mario and Donkey Kong arrive at the ‘wedding’. And while using Power Ups, they fight their way past Bowser’s Minions and arrive just in time to save Luigi and the prisoners.
Reunited, the brothers embrace in a hug. And on top of that DK makes Cranky Kong proud. Rejected and frozen, Bowser fights back by launching a Bomber Bill to destroy the Mushroom Kingdom. With no time to lose, Mario diverts the Bomber Bill towards the pipe that he came from saving the Mushroom Kingdom, but being sucked back into the pipe in the process.
He flies through the pipe and ends up back in Brooklyn and after nearly denting Spike’s van, Bowser’s airship arrives to cause some damage. Infuriated, Bowser tears Mario a new one, throwing him into a pizzeria. Thankfully Peach and Donkey Kong return the favour (with Toad by their side. Feeling down, Mario loses hope. But after seeing his and Luigi’s TV ad say ‘The Mario bros are here to save Brooklyn’, he regains his spirit. And in his friend’s time of need, he and Luigi grab the Super star and finish off Bowser and his Minions together. But it’s Peach who does the honour of shrinking Bowser with a blue mushroom.
And with that, our band of friends save not only Mushroom Kingdom, but New York from the clutches of Bowser. And to the tune of Mr Blue Sky, we cut to Mario and Luigi living in their new home in the Mushroom Kingdom finding their true calling.
And that’s how the movie ends. (Well, there are a few post credit scenes but I digress…)
Speaking of post credit scenes, there’s one that teases a possible sequel. If that’s the case, then I welcome the sequel! This movie really surprised me when it came out. It’s not perfect, but it can trick you into thinking it is! From a great cast to excellent animation, an interesting story and a butt load of references to Nintendo IPS.
I wasn’t sure if Chris Pratt would be a fitting voice for Mario (especially when the interviews showed us how little he knew the games), but I gotta say he’s a fast learner. Plus, the Peaches song is hilarious. Well done Jack Black! Well done Chis Pratt! Well done Seth Rogan! Well done Illumination, well done Nintendo! Well done everybody!
10/10
Written by Harry Watson
